Hey, are you ok?

I've got this guy that seems perfect to me. I have yet to meet him in person and worry that I may never get to. You see he's bipolar and has stopped communicating with me. I often wonder if I'm naive. That he's stopped talking to me not because he's depressed and doesn't have the energy to talk but because he is actually not interested. I don't like that Idea and from the research, I have wadded in, I think I can be hopeful that his interest may return, I can accept all of him bipolar, alcoholic, depressed, afraid, manic, and sometimes broken. But that is not how I would define him. He's honest, brilliant, lovable, handsome, caring, and sexy and that's just what I've gotten from the words he has sent me. This isn't too much pressure or a standard no one could measure up to. It's who he is. It's not just how I perceive him. He doesn't have to measure up because he has already exceeded expectation. Getting to know him in person isn't going to change any of that it will just add new pieces for me to discover, a new depth for me to explore, and a new man for me to get to know.

How hard do I try?

Once again I am in love. Once again I am Plagued by the question "How hard do I try?" At least this time it's not all in my imagination. But what is keeping him from texting me and is it a sign? I know what it is at least partly. He's told me. It's fear really. And I can understand that. But can I help him conquer his fears? I don't think so. But I can at least show him I care. But how much how often. Because I care a lot and I don't want to overwhelm him but I also don't want to let him bow out or disappear it would be easier if he lived near. But my confidence and boldness seem to work better from a distance. Perhaps we are both giving fear too much to say. Perhaps I'll give it another day. I'll give it another day. I can wait for another day. Feel better my love today.
July 15, 2018

Night Love

You haven't written me back as fast as I hoped but I don't feel like crying. I feel hopeful! I'm going to wait this out, after all, it feels like God has taken the lead with this one. So rest up and learn to thrive I'll be waiting here praying for your health, wellbeing, and hoping that you learn to love risk. Night Love!
-July 19, 2018

Do you exist?

I traded a relationship with good sex for a relationship that may not exist. 
-August 8 2018

Silent Novelist

I dumped my lover for you. I'm worried I acted to fast. Did I fall in love too quickly? I haven't heard from you for 9 days are you no longer interested or are you just panicking. I know I told you I was patient now I'm thinking that was a lie. I want to hear from you.

I'm back!

I'm feeling the need to bleed again. I'm someone who has lots of unexpressed feelings. And its nice to hope that someone will share them with me. I'll put dates on past writings.
I have a new love, brand new, I haven't even met him in person yet. (Thats why I call myself Sue Pathetic I fall in love to soon with just about anyone.) But I think he's worth the effort and worth the hurt if it doesn't work out.